Lately, I am feeling some sort of way that escapes words.
I’m teetering between memories and dreams, tears and joy; feeling the overwhelming need to either escape myself or crawl into my mind and rummage around.
It’s an emotional limbo – I’m in the void.
The destructive feelings of uncertainty and inadequacy haunt me, along with the voices from family – “What are you thinking? This simply cannot be done. Get your head out of the clouds!”
I must push back and persevere. I’ve fought too long and hard to be where I am to just fall backwards and let the negativity engulf and consume me.
I spend a lot of time alone these days out of necessity.
I’ve started to meditate again – it helps.
I keep hearing the calling of my soul turning me inside out – if only I knew how to turn that calling into my everyday reality. I feel that calling when I see images of life elsewhere, for example in Italy; I even experience a flash of myself living that life.
I know I have the power inside myself to manifest my dreams and desires.
Unfortunately everything revolves around money; it is a necessary evil.
Why must we be burdened with the everyday monotony that seems to crush and suppress our creative souls?
I have no desire to be rich and acquire the accoutrements of that status; I just want to live comfortably, happily pursuing my passions.
I know others that are feeling these same emotions – they are my kindred spirits.
If only we could come up with a creative solution to unburden our souls in order to create more art, love and happiness in this world that so desperately needs the beauty of it.
I feel that creativity surging through my veins this very moment as I write these words.
I’m tired of being told by society, family and others that life has to be lived a certain way.
Birth – School – Work – Death.
Perhaps it is just an illusion that we cannot have a creative and self-sustaining life away from the rat race that corporate America has established as the norm.
Work your ass off until it is time to retire – if you can retire – then and only then, you can enjoy life.
No thank you.
My generation will most likely not be afforded the luxury of retirement.
It is not like this in other countries.
When I was in Italy three years ago I didn’t see the unhappiness nor did I feel the stress coming from people living the day to day grind. People enjoyed themselves. They took the time to enjoy their passion, even if it was just a simple nightly stroll through the streets arm in arm with a loved one.
La dolce vita – the sweet life.
I crave a stress free life like that so I can use my creativity to add some beauty to this dreary world.
Art is living and breathing; it has a place in this world – it has worth and purpose.
Words on a page.
Paint on a canvas.
Photos in a frame.
Delicious foods on a table.
Jewelry and clothing adorning bodies.
These are not valued enough. The world would be empty without art.
It is my hope and dream to move forward and be successful at creating my very own freedom business that revolves around my art, writing and photography – and to help others do the same thing.
This is my souls calling – I am that mover and shaker. I am the one that will show the naysayers that it can and will be done. I have to be the one to start this path so that my kindred spirits can come and join me.
I just don’t know how to kick start it all; how to do this successfully is the ultimate conundrum.
There has to be a way.
I need to find some balance; to ground and center myself.
Perhaps I need to take that journey inside my head and find the answers I need; if the calling is in my soul, the answer should be there as well.
The answers are out there – I intend to find them so that I can start upon the path that I will never ever want to stop walking.