I have been a horrible blogger.
I went from at least one new post a week, to almost nothing. I feel awful about this. I have written, though, on my other website, Punk Rock Flea Market Lorain (PRFM Lorain).
So far it’s been a summer filled with lots of activity with building my business, getting the word out there about what PRFM Lorain is all about, plus the crazy chaos of my un-medicated mind.
That last one has wreaked havoc, a lot -- from spirals of over thinking to paralyzing apathy. Nothing new for me, but it’s been really kicking my ass all over the place this time around.
I’m in that all too familiar place of the void again.
This time it is different. How? I know what I want to do, how I want and need to grow my business, where my head needs to be, and most importantly, I have passion behind my purpose.
I haven’t experienced that feeling since I decided to manifest my trip to Italy over five years ago.
What’s holding me back? Distraction. My ADD has really taken a turn for the worse.
I need to nail my brain into place -- it takes off on adventures without me. I sometimes feel like an empty shell in those moments. Then the frustration sets in and before too long, the mania and depression spirals begin. I notice when these things happen, but I feel like I’m outside of myself watching it all happen and I have no control.
I have become a prisoner to my minds antics.
The frustration builds inside…
I change almost seamlessly between personas. From a focused and driven sales and marketing professional to a wanderlust daydreamer, from a hard-ass queen bitch to a wistfully dreaming hopeless romantic. That last one sickens me to even think about, but that’s another story…
Well, you know what they say… “Where words fail, music speaks.” So to that sentiment, I surrender trying to describe what’s been going on with me in lieu of the following playlist.
Summer of ADD mixtape playlist
- Where Is My Mind? -- The Pixies
- Perfect Day -- Lou Reed
- Dark Necessities -- Red Hot Chili Peppers
- No Future -- Blink 182
- Life Changes -- Good Charlotte
- Secrets -- OneRepublic
- We Are All We Have -- The Casualties
- Take Back The Power -- The Interrupters
- Fall Back Down -- Rancid
- Story of My Life -- Social Distortion
- In The Meantime -- Spacehog
- Low -- Cracker
- Wonderful -- Everclear
- Bittersweet Symphony -- The Verve
- Summertime Sadness -- Lana Del Rey
- Darklands -- The Jesus and Mary Chain
- To Wish Impossible Things -- The Cure
- Walking In My Shoes -- Depeche Mode
- I Am Dust -- Gary Numan
- I Am My Own Name -- Peter Murphy
- Ride The Mindway -- My Life With The Thrill Kill Kult
- Faith Collapsing -- Ministry
- Sunday -- Iggy Pop/Post Pop Depression
- Late Night Confessions -- Henry Rollins (spoken word)
- This Must Be The Place -- Talking Heads
- Only When I Lose Myself -- Depeche Mode
- She’s Lost Control -- Joy Division
- Losing My Religion -- R.E.M.
- Running Up That Hill (A Deal With God) -- Kate Bush
- Crucify -- Tori Amos
- Be Quiet and Drive (Far Away) -- Deftones
- Would? -- Alice in Chains
- The Pretender -- Foo Fighters
- Do I Wanna Know? -- Arctic Monkeys
- Sail -- AWOLNATION
- Chandelier -- Sia
- I Need A Doctor -- Dr. Dre, Eminem, and Skylar Grey
- Keep Ur Head Up -- 2Pac
- Not Afraid -- Eminem
- Eye of the Tiger -- Survivor