depression musings on the fly rants 

Masochistic Tendencies

I want to rip my chest open and pull out my heart. I want the feeling center of my brain to stop. I just want to be numb. The people I interact with day-to-day have no idea of the complete fuck up I am. Or if they are aware, they sure do a great job and keep it to themselves. I live with extremes in my mind every day. Today it is just amplified.  It’s all part of the sickness within me. I know this. The demons I’ve conquered are banging…

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life relationships 

Five Books That Saved My Sanity

I’d love to say that I am a bad-ass that has gotten through most of my life on my own – which isn’t far from the truth. However, I’ve had a lot of assistance over the years in the form of self-help books. Listed below are the top five books that have helped me muddle through and make sense of my crazy life, while helping me to stay on course.   1. Codependent No More – Melody Beattie   After I had my daughter and placed her for adoption, I went into therapy to deal with…

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musings on the fly 

The Melancholies

This case of melancholies I’ve been experiencing has gripped me hard – it is trying to pull me down to dance in that all too familiar spiral tango again. Is it bad that I want to let it take over and run its course? Sometimes it only stays a few hours, but this time it’s lingering, nagging at me, catching me off guard. I can still somewhat function in my day-to-day life. Depression knocks at my door now and then to remind me it’s sticking around. It likes to surprise attack me…

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