The Dating Rat Race


Doesn’t anyone date anymore?


Malt shop date
Dating in the 1950’s

I am on the brink of turning 42 years old and have been divorced for over a year and a half now. Since rejoining the dating scene, I’ve come to believe that technology has dumbed us down when it comes to dating.

Between online personals, email, chat programs, apps and texting, it’s become a fast and furious rat race in getting to know someone. Technology might have made life easier, but it has made love harder to find.

The act of courting a woman seems to be a thing of the past; if I do happen upon a gentleman of such a nature, it is merely a facade until he gets what he wants or grows bored for not getting what he wants.

Plenty of Fish, the online personals site, is a fine example of this rat race. In my experience, it should be referred to as Plenty of fakes, frauds and, pardon my French, fucks.

For the most part, guys on this site are looking for fast, cheap and easy, so-called relationships – or to be blunt, DTF (down to fuck) or FWB (friend with benefits) sexual flings – no commitments, no real relationships of substance.


I tested this theory – I placed three different ads.


The first ad had no photos, but a description of her being a very big woman; this woman was looking for “casual dating/no commitment” – in other words, DTF.

My second ad was placed with a photo of an average looking thicker woman. She described herself as looking for fun and dating, but nothing serious – basically a FWB.

Finally, I placed my own personal ad, fully filled out with photos, my interests and a complete disclosure of what I was looking for in a serious relationship.

The DTF ad got 90% of the replies, of course, and the FWB ad got the remainder.

The kicker is that over 95% of the guys that replied to both of these ads had beautiful, flowery, romantic sounding ads looking for “the one”, “my soulmate and best friend”, “just one woman to love” and even marriage.

I even went a step further in testing my theory – I picked out a few of the guys that replied to the first ad and went to their online profiles. I only chose the ones that said they wanted relationships and liked bigger women. I replied to the ads under my real profile and received no replies back – but they were all about getting some strange from a woman they knew nothing about, other than she wanted just sex.


Hmmm… and people wonder why I’ve grown so cynical.


Over the years I’ve gone out with a few guys from POF – sadly most expect sex on the first date and when you don’t give in, they never contact you again.

I’ll admit, in the past I’ve been guilty of sex on the first date; of course I’ve also had a horrible track record of bad decisions and dysfunctional relationships in my past as well.

I’m starting to think that dating only exists in novels, TV and movies – in other words, a fantasy world. Are chivalry and gentlemen just residual dreams of days gone by?


Date scene from the 80's movie Say Anything
Date scene from the 80’s movie Say Anything


This week I deactivated my POF profile.


Instead of continuing to run this so-called dating rat race of empty promises, cheaters and liars, I’ve resigned myself to being alone. I’m tired of the games and drama – I’d rather wait for Mr. Right to come find and court me than to keep settling for less than what I want and deserve.

Not even two years ago this would have been the furthest from the truth.

I used to be such a relationship addict that I didn’t care if it was an empty shell of a relationship, as long as I was with someone. I was deep into the bad habit of settling.

Being with someone even extended to my own little fantasy world of possibilities. I wasted many years in a faux-relationship with a guy, thinking in my twisted and unhealthy mind that “maybe one day he will wake up and realize I’ve been in front of him all along and we’ll live happily ever after.” Talk about wasted time and energy.

I’m so over that now.

As the John Hughes movie Some Kind of Wonderful taught me – it is better to be alone for the right reasons than to be with someone for the wrong reasons. It took me many years to learn and apply that lesson and I couldn’t be happier.

So goodbye online personals and dating, I’m not your fool anymore.