It’s been a complete flashback week with music for me. I’ve done a lot of writing for other publications I submit to and called on my classic alternative music past to inspire me to greatness.
This year marks my 25th high school class reunion. To be honest, when I graduated, I never thought I’d live to see my 10th let alone my 25th reunion. I was reckless and in my mind it was live fast die young – like Sid and Nancy, without the drugs.
Then life happened a year and a half after graduation and I (accidentally) got pregnant.
Talk about a game changer.
Priorities had to be reassessed and I had to get serious.
After I had my daughter and placed her for adoption, I tried to be a better person, but I came spiraling down into a whirlwind of self-destruction. These whirlwinds seem to happen to me at least once every five to seven years or so.
I feel another one approaching. It’s been knocking on my door for the past few months and I refuse to answer. I listen to the voices of my past from behind that door wanting me to give into all my hatred and self-loathing.
Yesterday it was pounding like crazy and I almost gave in.
I entertained some of the thoughts in my head and at one point wondered which one of my meds, if taken in excess, would be the most peaceful and painless way to end it all. Sadly, I admit these destructive thoughts have been with me a lot these past six months or so.
But I am a survivor. I refuse to give up or give in.
By late afternoon and going through several crying breakdowns, I decided I needed to get out of the apartment. I had taken a mental health day from work – which looking back now at where my head was, that was a good decision at 6 AM.
I went for a drive and turned my Sirius to the 1st Wave station. The sounds of my classic alternative roots strengthened me and reminded me of how far I’ve come since those glorious carefree (and sometimes gloomy) days of my youth.
I flashed back to being the only “punker” in my graduating class and having to bring my tapes to high school dances if I wanted to hear any of “my” music. I would be the only person on the dance floor when the DJ would play my music and I didn’t care. I was the epitome of a social introvert and I reveled in it.
Oh to be that bouncy, carefree and (somewhat) innocent soul again.
So to both commemorate 25 years since high school and 25 years of “running up that hill”, here is a (long) playlist of some of the great classic alternative tunes I cannot help but crank up and sing loudly.
I hope this list inspires you to take a look back at how far you’ve come.
And if I only could,
I’d make a deal with God,
And I’d get him to swap our places,
Be running up that road,
Be running up that hill,
With no problems.
Kate Bush – Running up that Hill – 1985
- Why Can’t I Be You? – The Cure
- Panic – The Smiths
- StrangeLove – Depeche Mode
- The Passenger – Siouxsie & The Banshees
- The Reflex – Duran Duran
- Kick in the Eye – Bauhaus
- Go! – Tones on Tail
- I Wanna Be A Flintstone – Screaming Blue Messiah’s
- London Calling – The Clash
- Take the Skinheads Bowling – Camper Van Beethoven
- Rise – Public Image Ltd.
- The Globe – Big Audio Dynamite
- I Beg Your Pardon – Kon Kan
- Brand New Lover – Dead Or Alive
- I Touch Roses – Book of Love
- Here Comes Your Man – The Pixies
- Burning Down the House – Talking Heads
- Sunday Bloody Sunday – U2
- Gone Daddy, Gone – Violent Femmes
- Bedbugs and Ballyhoo – Echo and The Bunnymen
- No New Tale To Tell – Love and Rockets
- Pump it Up – Elvis Costello and the Attractions
- True Faith – New Order
- The One I Love – R.E.M.
- Reptile – The Church
- Head On – The Jesus and Mary Chain
- I’ll Be You – The Replacements
- Sold Me Down The River – The Alarm
- Missionary Man – Eurythmics
- Love Will Tear Us Apart – Joy Division
- Jane Says – Jane’s Addiction
- Blitzkrieg Bop – The Ramones
- I Melt With You – Modern English
- A Girl Like You – The Smithereens
- Groove Check – That Petrol Emotion
- Motorcrash – The Sugarcubes
- Let The Day Begin – The Call
- Anything Anything – Dramarama
- Just Another Day – Oingo Boingo
- What You Need – INXS
- Love is the Slug – Fuzzbox
- Mexican Radio – Wall of Voodoo
- Punk Rock Girl – The Dead Milkmen
- Debbie Gibson is Pregnant with My Two-Headed Love Child – Mojo Nixon & Skid Roper
- Bikini Girls with Machine Guns – The Cramps
- Heartbreak Beat – The Psychedelic Furs
- Crash – The Primitives
- Rock Lobster – The B-52’s
- Warm Leatherette – The Normal
- In a Big County – Big Country
- Our House – Madness
- Dancing with Myself – Billy Idol
- Forgotten Years – Midnight Oil
- Balloon Man – Robyn Hitchcock and The Egyptians
- Cuts You Up – Peter Murphy
- Wishing (If I Had A Photograph of You) – Flock of Seagulls
- Send Me An Angel – Real Life
- The Sun Always Shines on TV – a-ha
- I’m an Adult Now – The Pursuit of Happiness
- Running up that Hill – Kate Bush