classic alternative depression life music 

I’m Fine.

I’ve been wanting to write this piece for over a year now, but kept putting it off because I didn’t want to bring these realities to life, or to revisit them. After further consideration, I believe these are things that need to be said. I’ve seen the countless memes, the series of photos about mental illness in general, but more specifically depression and anxiety, and I always share them so others know the struggle – but it is just a mere glimpse into the black hole of the abyss. So here…

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depression gothic industrial life mix tape music musings 

Dancing With Depression & Anxiety

  My nights out dancing at the 80’s music revival nights are bittersweet at best these days.   On one side I am enamored by the music of my younger, more carefree days. I get lost in the song and dance. At times I close my eyes and imagine I am still that young, naïve, and lost little girl, reveling in hearing nothing but the melodic whispers of youth, and a future filled with hope. When I attend these events, I almost always recognize a lot of faces – mostly from…

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gothic industrial mix tape music punk 

Brooding Burgundy & The Melancholies

I’m sure I’m not alone in this, but this time of year always forces me back inside myself to think and contemplate life and its many complexities. Fall is my absolute favorite season, yet with this amazingly colorful season comes what I like to call The Melancholies.  This year especially, I fear the ever pending winter months ahead. I think back to not so long ago when my dreaded enemy, Depression, had me in its wicked and relentless grip, refusing to release me. I even resorted to going back on head…

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depression life on the fly 

I’m (not) Fine.

I am here. Again. The pit of depression. Paralyzed by self-doubt. Cut off from action. Not giving a good god damn about anything. I cry but no one sees or hears me behind my closed off doors of seclusion. Thoughts of self-destruction run rampant once again in my mind. Pain is the only thing real right in this moment. Choked up with tears streaming down my face, I am a fucking mess. I gasp for air as I fight back wanting to burn or cut my flesh open. A bloodletting…

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depression life musings 

Waiting…

I’m holding on, waiting patiently for the monsters inside my head to either shut up or go away.  I’ve been religiously taking my new meds for 6 days now – a mistake? Maybe. The crying has stopped but my head is swimming. It’s funny because I do not know how to swim, only in theory – in my head. Perhaps there’s something to it because they say if you can do it in your mind the body follows. I’m tired of treading the waters of life – one big wave crashing against me…

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