depression life on the fly 

I’m (not) Fine.

I am here. Again. The pit of depression. Paralyzed by self-doubt. Cut off from action. Not giving a good god damn about anything. I cry but no one sees or hears me behind my closed off doors of seclusion. Thoughts of self-destruction run rampant once again in my mind. Pain is the only thing real right in this moment. Choked up with tears streaming down my face, I am a fucking mess. I gasp for air as I fight back wanting to burn or cut my flesh open. A bloodletting…

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depression life musings 

Waiting…

I’m holding on, waiting patiently for the monsters inside my head to either shut up or go away.  I’ve been religiously taking my new meds for 6 days now – a mistake? Maybe. The crying has stopped but my head is swimming. It’s funny because I do not know how to swim, only in theory – in my head. Perhaps there’s something to it because they say if you can do it in your mind the body follows. I’m tired of treading the waters of life – one big wave crashing against me…

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depression life on the fly 

Excuse me while I silently scream

Ok, I’m about to get real, deep and personal today. It’s no secret I’ve been battling depression for most of my life. It is an invisible disease that, like others, runs in my family. My Mom-ster obviously has it, in fact she would constantly rant and rave about being manic-depressive when I was younger. I was diagnosed at 19 with not only being bipolar, but also having borderline personality disorder. I treated my disease the same way Mom-ster did – I let the monsters grow and fester inside. After I…

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