high cost of healthcare depression life rants 

The Struggle of (Un)Affordable Healthcare

  Mental illness runs in my family, especially depression.   My mother described herself over the years as being “manic depressive” – I do not argue that fact with her. From what I can gather, her mother was also depressed. My mother refuses to take meds for her depression, and if anyone in the history of man should take meds, it should be her. I have dealt with depression issues since childhood. I was always a social butterfly, but still very much withdrawn. I never disclosed to my friends the…

Read More
depression life on the fly 

I’m (not) Fine.

I am here. Again. The pit of depression. Paralyzed by self-doubt. Cut off from action. Not giving a good god damn about anything. I cry but no one sees or hears me behind my closed off doors of seclusion. Thoughts of self-destruction run rampant once again in my mind. Pain is the only thing real right in this moment. Choked up with tears streaming down my face, I am a fucking mess. I gasp for air as I fight back wanting to burn or cut my flesh open. A bloodletting…

Read More
gothic industrial Mixtape music 

Dance Mfr, Dance!

Last night has to be one of the best nights I’ve had in such a long time. I went to the “9 of Clubs Nite” at The Phantasy in Lakewood, OH – a musical flashback to the 1980-90’s gothic-industrial scene. I cannot remember the last time I danced to this music in a club. It was the best feeling ever. I was a stranger in a room full of people, yet we all were of the same mindset – we were there to reminisce and take a trip back in time through…

Read More