(Un)Worthy [poetry]


I was raised to believe


was something


by a scale.



Bull in a China shop.

Platypus feet.


Ponderous bulk.

My mother and

family never minced words.

“You want it

to stop?

Then lose weight”

Always looking to strike

like a cobra;

their venomous words

slowly killing my


before I even hit my

teenage years.

Setting me up for

Failure –

the settling mindset

in relationships

because being overweight –

Fat –

means I am

Unworthy of Love.

It still haunts me today.

A little over a year

from turning 50,

the words repeat

in my head,

over and over again;

a broken record

I cannot stop at times.

My logical brain knows better,

but I am ruled by

Emotions and Memories

and Overthinking;

I fall into the rabbit hole of


I am my own worst enemy;

There is no reprieve

in these moments.

I strive to break the cycle,

shatter the never-ending

Internal (Infernal)

Maddening dialogue

in my brain.

Daily affirmations only help


then the words assault

my soul like a

never-ending drumbeat.

This is my hell on earth.

I think to myself…

If only I could


that voice inside.

The soul-crushing

earworm that is

my mother’s unrelenting

Cringeworthy Voice;

A curse indelibly etched

into the fabric of

my mind.

Then I could be free…

and the fat would

melt off my body,

releasing me from this prison.

And I can finally be

and feel