It’s one of those restless nights once again.
As I toss and turn, trying to find a comfortable position, you climb into bed with me. I know it’s you without even looking. Your presence is always calming.
You wrap your strong arms around me, pulling me close. Feeling you close brings an almost instant comfort to my agitated mind, body, and soul.
Only you have this calming, almost restorative effect on me – no one else has ever come close. That is something that will never change.
I close my eyes and hear your voice whispering softly to me. It doesn’t matter what you’re saying, I cannot comprehend it anyways. Just the timbre of your voice and feeling your body close to mine is all I need in moments like this.
I breathe in deep, inhaling the scent of your robust manliness – it’s an intoxicating testosterone-laden aroma that brings me to the edge of reason, every time.
No one else has ever elicited such deep passion and emotion from within me. You almost command it with your presence. I crave this always, with only you alone.
My body both relaxes and melts into another state of consciousness, feeling your hands on my naked flesh.
I’ve always loved your touch – both the hard and soft of it – but in times like this, especially the hard.
I wait for you to notice the unspoken begging of my willing body, for you to strike it and make my tender flesh raise up in redness. Oh, the anticipation is too much; I know my body is betraying my (not so) hidden desires for you.
Will you ignore it out of spite, or just delay it and make me vocally beg for you to take me? I close my eyes tight, almost wincing as my body twitches… waiting with bated breath… I feel your hand raise up to strike, but it never comes.
It’s all in my mind. You are once again nothing but an illusion.
My unforgettable delusion.
My invisible lover – a ghost of my past – forever etched into my memory. My minds’ mirage in this cold and desolate wasteland that my bedroom has become.
Am I so foolish as to think this could ever be? In my mind you are perfect. We are perfect – together. Certain things, like this, are not meant to be ignored. I’ve come to realize this…
Will this karmic dance ever end?
My pillows and tears comfort me until I am finally able to break this spell and finally relax into a peaceful slumber. I know you’ll be back – you always come back to play on my vulnerabilities in these weak moments. I love to hate you and hate to love you. It is a supernaturally thin line to walk upon.
As so, we dance…
- In Your Room (Zephyr mix) – Depeche Mode
- A Strange Kind of Love – Peter Murphy
- Absolution (remix) – Gary Numan
- Sea of Sin – Depeche Mode
- I Just Want Something I Can Never Have – Nine Inch Nails