This year I will celebrate eight years of writing with this website.
When I originally started this site, I called it Emotional Violence, a line from the song, “Leave in Silence” by Depeche Mode. I focused on writing about my younger years and the battles I encountered with my dysfunctional family, mainly with my mother, whom I named Mom-ster for my stories.
Now, when I say “stories”, these are not fictional -- these things truly happened to me, and are from my perspective.
Ironically, one phrase Mom-ster used to say (like a broken record) was, “Keep your nose clean and nothing will come back to haunt you!” I understand what she meant by this, in other words, be mindful in all you do.
I’m pretty sure that Mom-ster didn’t think her own words would come back to haunt her.
Not just that “Mom-sterism”, but the horrible and hateful things she’s said about me and to me since I can remember.
Eventually, my site evolved into the music mixtape posts combined with memories of the late 80s into the 90s. The name change reflects that. I also write and share my poetry, stories about my travels, days at the strip club, and pushing through and owning my depression and anxiety.
It was recently brought to my attention that someone I (mistakenly) trusted has taken it upon himself to go through my site and print out all the posts I wrote about Mom-ster and give them to her. Not only are his motives full of hate and deceit, but he has destroyed any remaining trust I had in him.
Frankly, young man, you shot yourself in the foot.
Do you not think I put thought into the chance that Mom-ster would read these pieces? Had I wanted to remain anonymous and not risk her or any family member reading the things I wrote, don’t you think I would’ve changed names, used a pen-name, or just keep these things to myself?
I planned on giving Mom-ster an autographed copy once I finished my manuscript and published the book.
I hope it made you feel great to give those to her.
Oh, by the way, she read them back in 2012/13 as they were published, thanks to my ex-husband printing them out and giving them to her weekly. I honestly laughed when I heard this.
Also, her sisters have read them, in front of me, thanks to my sister printing them out for them. They had no idea things were so bad, but now they understand why I stayed away from them for decades. I was convinced the ENTIRE family hated me as much as Mom-ster did.
I still might give her an autographed copy since I’ve removed over 90% of the pieces I wrote for inclusion in my manuscript. So, I’m sorry to tell you, there’s a huge chunk of them missing. But I digress…
My stories chronicle my survival.
You had it easy compared to me, little man. Your parents both loved you. So did your extended family and friends. You grew up surrounded by love. I wasn’t as blessed, yet here I am. The only things I struggle with are my health issues and de-programming the horrendous things Mom-ster said to me up until I cut her out of my life in 2008. No alcoholism, no drug addiction, no dangerous habits.
My stories have also helped many other women who grew up with narcissistic mothers. That was the entire objective behind me sharing these things.
I’ve learned to accept what happened to me. I’m not a victim, I am a survivor. I fought hard to get where I am today.
So go on, print this one, too. I have nothing to hide.