classic alternative depression life music 

I’m Fine.

I’ve been wanting to write this piece for over a year now, but kept putting it off because I didn’t want to bring these realities to life, or to revisit them. After further consideration, I believe these are things that need to be said. I’ve seen the countless memes, the series of photos about mental illness in general, but more specifically depression and anxiety, and I always share them so others know the struggle – but it is just a mere glimpse into the black hole of the abyss. So here…

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darkwave life musings 

Unforgettable Delusion – Invisible Man Blues Pt. 2

  It’s one of those restless nights once again. As I toss and turn, trying to find a comfortable position, you climb into bed with me. I know it’s you without even looking. Your presence is always calming. You wrap your strong arms around me, pulling me close. Feeling you close brings an almost instant comfort to my agitated mind, body and soul. Only you have this calming, almost restorative effect on me – no one else has ever come close. That is something that will never change. I close…

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musings poetry 

Alarm Clock Words [poetry]

Words they spin and churn in my mind They wake me from my slumber Break of dawn I turn back over and close my eyes Wanting to squeeze a little more shut-eye out of the day The words take flight with wings and fly fly fly Around my head waiting for me to catch them and make them into something coherent They want to live They want completion Flying and wailing in my head They will not be silenced “Take us!” they scream “Make sense of us! Give us life…

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depression life on the fly 

I’m (not) Fine.

I am here. Again. The pit of depression. Paralyzed by self-doubt. Cut off from action. Not giving a good god damn about anything. I cry but no one sees or hears me behind my closed off doors of seclusion. Thoughts of self-destruction run rampant once again in my mind. Pain is the only thing real right in this moment. Choked up with tears streaming down my face, I am a fucking mess. I gasp for air as I fight back wanting to burn or cut my flesh open. A bloodletting…

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depression life musings on the fly 

Sneak Attack

  Oh Depression, you sly fucking devil. I give you credit – you figured out a way to get to me this time around. Sneak attack. I know you were behind these recent events. You paralyze my reason. I’ve been living in a zombified haze of my normal self. I should have known you were holding the puppet strings, Depression. You make me hate myself and instantly regret things as they happen. I hate regrets, almost as much as I hate you. I feel so stupid for the things I’ve said…

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