I Could Be Wrong, I Could Be Right [on the fly]

rise /rīz/

 

verb
1. move from a lower position to a higher one; come or go up.
“the tiny aircraft rose from the ground”

 

noun
1. an upward movement; an instance of becoming higher.
“the bird has a display flight of steep flapping rises”

 

rise balance

 

I’m officially on vacation from work until January 4th. I’m still waiting for that fact to connect in my brain. All I keep thinking of are the deadlines approaching the week I return to work, causing me to stress and wonder if I should work while on vacation. As it is, I have to check my emails and take calls, if they are important. This is my choice to do so – I don’t want my co-worker stealing sales from me in my absence. I shouldn’t have to worry about that happening, but unfortunately I do. 

That’s not the point of vacation time, even in advertising sales. 

Add to that my employer changed the commission plan, again. With this new plan, I’ll make more in mileage than commission – and the company gets more revenue. From the rumors I’ve heard, the company is trying to sell us off. So, I’m sadly (still) looking for another job, preferably not in newspaper advertising sales. I’d love a job I could completely unplug from while taking vacation time.

But enough of that work related bs…. it’s time to relax and get back to my creative ventures for the next week.

You’d think it would be easy to reboot into creative and writing mode, but it hasn’t been easy. 

Sitting here at the computer for hours, I’ve been immersing myself in music and other inspiring reads, attempting to channel that creative spirit buried deep inside of me.

Being creative, one of the pitfalls I encounter is that I tend to over think – combine that with ADD and it’s a recipe for creative procrastination.

I’ve had a few situations present themselves to me over the past few weeks and it has made me pause to think. Without getting into too many details, I do believe the universe at large is testing me. 

Normally when an issue presents itself to me, it takes me days, weeks, sometimes even months for me to pull the lesson and meaning from it, or to even understand what is happening to me and why.

I’ve grown so much mentally, spiritually and emotionally the past five years or so, but it seems that since I moved to my new home last month, it all started coming together and solidifying. I have experienced balance – something I haven’t had in a very long time in my life. This balance has made recognizing the lessons – and sifting out the bs – almost instantaneous for me.

With balance comes understanding and clarity. I have wished, hoped and prayed for many years to experience clarity in my life.  

Having clarity – and realizing that I have finally reached this once illusive zenith – is such an empowering feeling. 

I could be wrong, I could be right… 

I’ve risen above the superficial noise that is all around me. I’d like to think I’ve also risen above the noise in my head as well, but here I sit, shuffling through that mumbled up mess. 

Do I rise above it, or do I attempt to translate the madness?

Will I be caught in the undertow and be taken back under to drown in my chaos or will my new-found balance be enough to keep me afloat?

I could be wrong, I could be right…

I must be strong enough, I try to convince myself. Why else would these situations that are so different on the surface, but so strikingly similar underneath it all, be presenting themselves to me almost simultaneously?

I could be wrong, I could be right…

These lyrics to the Public Image Ltd. song Rise repeat over and over in my head. 

I guess there’s only one way to know if I’m wrong or right… 

I must also remember the other lyrics of this song, Anger is an energy. I have to remember to use my anger in a constructive way, and pray it keeps my eyes wide open in the face of opposition. 

Am I ready for this test the universe is presenting to me?

Yes, I really think I am.

I got this.

Here’s hoping I rise.

And to you, my readers, in the eternal words of John Lydon and Public Image Ltd.: 

May the road rise with you.