Lately I’ve had this urge to stop and see my Mom-ster. I’m really not sure why. I know it’s best to not have any contact with her because she’s so toxic.
Maybe I’m a glutton for punishment and I want to continue spiraling down into an even deeper depression than I’ve been in the midst of lately.
Perhaps I’m hoping for a miracle that I’ll finally have a relationship with Mom-ster that parallels those of my friends who have great relationships with their mothers’.
Either way, I’m living in a constant state of contradictions lately and I won’t give into this urge.
So I close my eyes and imagine just for a moment…
How I’d like it to go:
I walk into her line of sight…
Mom-ster comes over to me and smiles. There is no bad blood, no strife. She looks at me and says,
“I’ve read your writings. It was a lot of hard medicine to swallow. I never realized I hurt you and your siblings so much. I am sorry. I know I can’t go and undo all the bad things I’ve said to and about you, but let’s start fresh. You’re so talented and beautiful and I took that for granted for so many years. Not anymore.”
How it would really go:
Mom-ster sighs over dramatically in a huff and glares hatefully upon seeing me. If looks could kill, I’d be six feet under. And then some.
“I never thought you could get fatter but I was wrong! I wasted my time, energy, money, life and most of all my body raising three misfit children, and you’ve got to be the absolute worst of them all! I do not appreciate you making me into this horrible Mom-ster character for your writings! Mark my words, you will pay dearly for that! You disgust me! You’re such an embarrassment! Get out of my sight!”
Needless to say, curiosity will not get the best of me. I definitely won’t be giving into this urge to go see her.