Sick [on the fly]

sick

 

I used to take great pride in and loved to brag about my “strip club immune system of steel” – that came to a screeching halt when I got sick last week.

I’m guessing it’s because I don’t have that constant exposure anymore to all the crazy germs and viruses out there.

Let’s face it, there are no sick days or paid leave for strippers, or anyone for that matter working in the adult entertainment industry. Girls would show up to work sick, coughing and sneezing all over the place. It was disgusting, especially behind the scenes in the dressing room.

From strep throat to bronchitis (ain’t nobody got time for dat!) and everything in between, I developed a very strong immunity to viruses and infections as a result of working there. I (probably) could have survived Ebola with that immune system!

After over two years of being away from the strip club environment, which is a total germaphobe’s nightmare, my body lost its ability to combat the common cold. That, and I’m sure the drafty windows and black mold in the building I’m currently living in had some play in it, but I digress…

I, of course, at the first signs of anything abnormal did the normal (paranoid) self-diagnosis on my WebMD app. I love using that app, it makes me feel like Dr. House.

 

house-doctor

 

After eliminating that I am not in fact dying of some rare disease that would require House and his diagnostic team to cure me, I deduced that I was suffering from a head cold, complete with a dry cough and scratchy throat.

I hate cough drops. I think of them as a jinx.

It always seems that when I take just one to quell a scratchy throat, suddenly I get a full-blown sore throat. I’ve resorted to using Halls Breezers throat drops. There is no offensive mentholated, medicine taste to them. But alas, I ended up using a cherry Halls mentholated drop and next thing I know, sore throat. Total jinx!

I will have to suffer through the next few weeks with a raspy voice. I’ve been told on quite a few occasions though that my raspy voice makes me sound sexy(ier). I just wish I could get rid of the dry cough now, because that is so not sexy.

 

“Oh, I sound sexy with my raspy voice?”

*cough hack wheeze*

Yeah, you totally want me now, don’t you?

 

You would think, or at least I thought, with all the shops and businesses I visit for my job, along with all the coffeehouses I frequent, that I’d still have that germ exposure. I guess not. 

 

Here is what I’ve learned this past week about being sick.

 

  • Chicken noodle soup is still the best cure-all, but Miso soup is a close second. Nothing beats fermented bean curd and tofu to send a cold a one-two punch!
  • I am immune to NyQuil. No shit – I couldn’t fall asleep after taking it. It had the opposite effect on me. FML.
  • Generic Sudafed is just as good as the expensive shit – but you still have to sign for it at the pharmacy and feel like you’re doing something horrible with it. Thank you Breaking Bad.
  • Never over-medicate, it will prolong your illness. As soon as I stopped taking DayQuil religiously every 4-6 hours, I started feeling better.
  • Do not – I repeat DO NOT drink an entire container (59oz.) of orange juice fortified with calcium within a few hours. It might sound like a good idea for a liquid dinner when you’re not feeling well, but trust me, it isn’t. Your body will rebel within hours of consumption (and make you feel like you have consumption!)

 

I’m hoping now that I am functioning at over 85%, that I have built up immunity for the rest of winter and can skip any further illness.

I’m not ready for another long and cold winter like last year. Winter really sucks! How long until temperatures are above 60 degrees again? Spring cannot get here soon enough. Eff you, winter!

 

eff-u-winter