I’ve had this sickening feeling deep down inside of me for about a month now.
It’s an almost nagging sensation, like you’ve forgotten something important combined with the feeling that something horrible is about to happen.
I sometimes wake up from a deep sleep gasping. It’s a terrible and ominous feeling that I just cannot ignore. It shakes me to my core when I experience it.
This morning I got up early to hit the gym, but instead I decided to stay in and meditate. I needed to get to the bottom of this feeling before it hit me again.
The anxiety started to flood me, but I closed my eyes and breathed in deep, finding my center. I sat there for about twenty minutes, clearing my mind and grounding my emotions.
Suddenly I was overcome with a torrent of images.
The one that stood out most to me was a beautiful, thick book. I walked over to look at the book and it had my name on the front. I ran my hand over the cover and the book opened and flipped through to the last few pages.
I looked down and the top of the pages said “Chapter 7”. There at the bottom of the page was a sentence, signifying the end of the book.
“The best is yet to come, so close the book now and start a new story.”
And that’s when it hit me.
This ominous feeling started about a month ago when I signed my bankruptcy papers.
Chapter 7. It’s a fresh start with everything, not just my finances. It’s the end of this old life I’ve come to know.
I was raised to believe that bankruptcy is for losers and bad people. I’ve released all of my bad programming from Mom-ster, but this one thought has remained intact.
Was I irresponsible with my debt? Yes.
I had more debt than income. I didn’t realize how deep a hole I had dug myself into until I left the easy money of the strip club. My credit cards allowed me to survive for part of the time I was unemployed.
If I had a time machine, I’d go back and instead of getting all of those nonsensical credit cards with crazy interest rates, I’d put money in the bank.
But there is no time machine – there is only now.
As I sit here and look out the window at my new (to me) car, I think about how I’ve taken a down-slide – and then I think, have I really?
Sure my 2007 Mazda CX-7 looked nice, but mechanically, it was a nightmare!
Don’t believe me?
Google 2007 Mazda CX-7 and click on the first page that shows up. I was extremely lucky to get almost 145k miles out of it!
Even with the somewhat loud exhaust and minor work that needs done on my 1999 Escort ZX2, it’s a safer car over all with just the engine, tires and brakes – not to mention it has amazing gas mileage!
I’ve said it for months – when my bankruptcy is discharged, it is all going to come together and happen for me. All the good I’ve waited for, and struggled through the bad to get to, is finally going to be upon me.
I know amazing things are around the corner for me.
I’ve been busy plotting and planning away for this fresh start and the goals I’m pushing toward. There are quite a few projects I will accomplish in the coming year – projects I’ve put off for too many years.
No more barriers, no more excuses – it’s time I walked the walk I’ve talked for so long. Time to grab the future by the balls and move forward!
Last year my goal was to write at least one hour a day – here I am a year later and I dedicate at least twenty hours a week to my writing and creativity. Crushed it!
My ultimate goal is to be living happily and securely in Italy by the time I’m 50.
That’s only a short eight years from now. Yeah, I like to dream and plan BIG.
There are essential steps I need to make to gain financial freedom, which will help me pave the way to making my Italy vision a reality!
First on my New Life Agenda is to start making money with my blog and writing.
I know it’s going to be a lot of tedious, somewhat boring work, but nothing I can’t handle with copious amounts of coffee – and the occasional glass of wine!
This time last year I had around 5,000 hits on my website, and I decided to make myself look a bit more professional and have my own website. Now I’m almost at 400,000 hits – if you write it they will read! Now it’s time to go super-pro and make a side income with my words.
Another goal of making money with my blog is that I’d love to be a paid writer/columnist for Indie Chick online and print magazine.
The Indie Chicks are run by a group of totally BADASS women making and crushing goals constantly! If that’s not inspiring, I don’t know what is!
Second on my New Life Agenda is to format and publish my first book in 2015.
This has been my vision since I started my blog, so it’s time to make that vision a reality. My goal is to have my first draft finished by my birthday and then seek an editor to polish it up.
Paramount to my success is the fact that I need to get my ADD under control and stick to a rigid schedule with both of these goals. I know how I can get, I need more self-discipline.
I have another big project, which I will reveal in the coming months as I polish it up for launch. I think I’m most excited about this one!
So here I stand, the old book of my life about to close and a fresh new one ahead of me. I’m more than ready to make it a best seller from the beginning.