I had the vile seed of inadequacy planted in my mind from as far back as I can remember.
Growing up under the tutelage of Mom-ster, I was always taught that as long as I am fat, no one will listen to, respect or most of all, love me.
That seed sprouted and grew deep and penetrating roots in my psyche. Throughout my teenage years, it grew branches, blossomed and bore tainted fruit. I took that fruit inside of me and it fermented into self-loathing and a deep-seated inferiority complex.
As a result of years in this distorted and very unhealthy way of thinking, I started to settle for whatever scraps life would throw my way. I missed out on a lot of opportunities well into my mid-thirties. My depression worsened, as did my self-loathing, which degraded into extreme emotional masochism.
And then one day I hit bottom…
After months of paralyzing depression, spiraling mania and constant suicidal thoughts, I decided it was time for a major change. I needed to treat myself better and most of all, love myself for all that I am, flaws and all. It took a while, but I eventually rose from the ashes of inadequacy and began to truly live.
I am still a fat girl, although I like to refer to myself as extra curvalicious.
I am physically active, (try to) eat healthy (most of the time), and carry my head high and proud. Being fat doesn’t make me a bad person or unworthy of love and respect, like Mom-ster used to say.
I wage this war for all the people out there who think they don’t deserve to partake in all that life has to offer. This world is filled with limitless possibilities! No one should ever think that just because they are fat, thin, short, tall, etc. and so on, that they are inadequate.
I am a beautiful, confident, strong, proud, curvalicious and dare I say it, sexy, formerly inadequate fat girl.
What is your statement to the world?