To say that I have lead a very colorful life is an understatement.
I’ve seen and done a lot in my short forty-two years on this planet; some things I am not so proud to admit – but life is about making mistakes and learning from them. As a result of being such an audacious woman, I tend to attract a lot of people into my circle with my vivid energies.
One unfortunate side effect of my energies is that over the years I’ve become what I like to call “flypaper for freaks”.
On more than one occasion, I’ve attracted quite a few women “freaks” into my personal space – they come at me fast and furious and dub me almost immediately their best friend – then the real fun begins.
The friends that I’ve held for almost the duration of my life refer to these women as “Single White Female” – borrowing the reference from the popular 1992 horror/suspense movie staring Bridget Fonda and Jennifer Jason Leigh.
Too many years ago to recall, I encountered my first “SWF”.
This girl and I had an almost immediate rapport; she dubbed me her “BFF” from the moment we met. I put out such a chaotic vibe that I’m surprised anyone even wanted to be in the same vicinity as me. Blindly and carelessly, because I was already deep into my cycle of bad relationships and horrible decisions, I allowed myself to fuse into being the very best of friends with her.
Eventually it started to slowly morph into an almost borderline obsession on her part; I see this now that I am able to look back with clarity.
About three months into our best friendship, I met her for lunch. My bestie walked in with a new hair color – my signature burgundy which I wore with pride for many years. I didn’t think anything of it, even when she said we were now twins. I had so many other things buzzing in my head that it didn’t even trigger a red flag in my mind – not that I would have listened to it back in those dysfunctional days.
Three weeks later, my bestie had her hair cut similar to mine.
Shortly after that, her wardrobe started reflecting mine – I was still clueless.
One day, while her and I were out shopping, we ran into one of my life long friends; this good friend pulled me aside and blatantly said, “What the fuck is going on? That chick is trying to be you!”
I laughed it off. She couldn’t be serious. I didn’t even like being me, why the hell would anyone want to be me? I was a fucking mess physically, mentally and emotionally – a human train wreck waiting to explode into flames at any given moment.
Once I stepped back from the situation, I started to see what my good friend and many others saw. It took me a long time to cut ties with my first “SWF” because I hated ending friendships; also in those days I was highly susceptible to guilt trips, and some people liked to take advantage of that fact.
Over the years this same situation has happened many more times than I’d like to admit.
If you want to glimpse your future self, look at the five people that you are around all the time; the company you keep makes or breaks you as a person.
Now that I am in a healthier place over all, it unnerves me to no end when it happens. I’ve also gotten a lot better with picking up on the signs and cutting the strings of friendship before things get out of hand.
Until recently, I used to think that my “flypaper for freaks” status was due to emanating residual chaotic vibes from my past – as it turns out, this is not the case.
I was told by a psychologist friend of mine that these “freaks” are attracted to me because I am such a colorful and audacious person – they simply want people to think that by hanging out with me, that they are like me. When this doesn’t work, that’s when the cloning process begins and the “SWF” starts to rear its ugly head.
The lesson I have learned through all of this is that I need to listen to my instincts more, especially when approached with the dreaded “SWF”.
It’s really all about the energies you put out there to attract people and then carefully weeding out the soul sucking ones from the amazing and positive ones.
I’ve already started attracting positive and uplifting friends into my life the past year or so. I am so very happy and grateful for all of the wonderful people in my life today.
For me, positive, prosperous and drama free is the way to be!