There’s been something in the air lately; communications going awry with a lot of conflicts and drama trying to flood into my life. I’ve had a hard time concentrating and let’s add in just a sprinkle of loss as the cherry on top of it all. I know a few of my Taurus friends experiencing this as well, on varying levels.
Well, now it all makes sense – we are about to enter into another Mercury Retrograde cycle. I’m not one to put much stock into things like this, but let me tell you, this shit is real – personally speaking of course. The last time we entered into one of these cycles, I had a big shift occur in my life. I knew then it wasn’t a major shift, but merely a stepping stone to something greater. I’m starting to think and feel that this next cycle might start a “big boom” in my life.
These past few weeks I’ve been shaken down to my core – questions and issues I thought I had resolved are coming back into focus. It’s almost like a wake-up call from the universe – over the past few years I have learned to not ignore these calls.
As a result from this shake-up, my focus is now zoned in on feeling safe.
It’s been said that to have any relationships in life work, you must have trust as the foundation. I don’t subscribe to that belief. Trust is important, but after all I’ve been through in my life, feeling safe is tantamount to trust. Without safety, how can you trust? Safety is the true cornerstone to all relationships.
When I started thinking back to all the bad and unhealthy relationships with friends, lovers and family that I’ve had over the years, the common thread was the same – I didn’t feel safe. For years I fooled myself into having a false sense of safety and security.
Safety and security trump trust and love. How can you trust and love someone if you don’t feel safe?
This feeling of safety starts from within, as with everything. I am very careful these days as to the situations I place myself into. In my past, as clear from my torrid and sometimes depressing tales, I always threw caution to the wind and lived with a devil-may-care attitude. Don’t get me wrong, I will still take the red pill and tumble-down the rabbit hole when I get the chance, just not head first anymore. I prefer to crawl down at a slow but steady pace.
I’ve done much soul-searching, grounding and centering – all the things you should do to position yourself for a future relationship. I came to find out that this positioning was for a relationship with myself, and like the snarky internet meme says, “I’ve been single for a while and I have to say… it’s going very well. Like… it’s working out. I think I’m the one.”
Ah, “the one”… That almost elusive and desirous person we all hope to find someday. The cynic in me believes he is nothing more than a fictional character and the hopeless romantic in me is waiting for him to appear. Duality once again. I’ve let my cynical side dominate me and have avoided emotional entanglements successfully since my last break-up a few years ago.
When and if “the one” ever appears in my life, he’d better be ready to not only chisel through my cynicism, but also give me safety along with his heart.
I don’t want to be told I am safe, I want to feel it. I want to see it. I want it to be genuine. I want to feel and be physically, emotionally and spiritually safe.
Once I have the safety I seek, I’m sure that everything else will fall into place from there.