Normal. [on the fly]

Zappa boring

Normality is conformity
But what is normal?

 

This is all I can recall off the top of my head of a poem I wrote back in high school. Unfortunately, my poems and writings from those days are forever lost on a 5 1/4” floppy disk formatted to the classic Macintosh computers of the late 1980’s.

I wrote that poem in response to Mom-ster, along with the administrators and select teachers in high school that tried to get me to be “normal” and conform to their standards.

 

I knew back then that I was different, and I owned it. I still do to this day.

 

Mom-ster often said to me when I was a teenager, “You’re fat, you already stick out like sore thumb, why go and draw even more attention to yourself? Why can’t you just be normal?!”

 

Normal.

Why can’t I be normal?

 

Why couldn’t she, or anyone else for that matter see that I was being normal? I was being true to me.

Self-expression in my clothing style has always been important to me and I’ve always managed to do it in a loud and almost raucous fashion.

 

I have my own quirky style and always rock it out.

 

 

On my “About Me” page on my website, I describe myself as a fat girl version of Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City.

My Doc Martens have become an almost daily wardrobe staple, along with the flowers in my hair. I have a few pin-up style dresses that I enjoy wearing when I want to look pretty.

I also like to rock out a pair of jean capris with stripey socks from time to time. Stripey socks make me happy – especially when I am able to find knee high ones that fit my fuller, curvy gams.

Dressing like this makes me feel whole; we should always try to do things, no matter how trivial they might seem, that make us happy and bring a little bit of sunshine to our days.

awesome plaid jacketRecently I went thrifting with a friend of mine; we ended up in the plus sized resale shop, Curvy Consignments in North Ridgeville, OH – if you’re a curvy gal or big dude in the Cleveland area, go check that store out! It’s awesome sauce!

We originally went to find my friend an outfit – which didn’t happen to our dismay – but I ended up with a really cool find: an incredibly awesome red plaid jacket, which I plan on rocking out with some black tights, a jean skirt, my trusty Docs and a Ramones t-shirt.

My friend couldn’t believe I thought that jacket was cool – it shocked her even more to see me in it – “Only you can rock out something like that.”

 

This got me thinking back to a few years back when I went to a gathering of alumni from my high school.

 

At first I felt slightly offended when people said, “Wow girl, you haven’t changed a bit since high school!” They knew nothing of the battlefields and struggles I had to make it through in my personal life to be standing there in front of them at that moment.

I remember sitting there watching everyone interact when it dawned on me that those people were right, I haven’t changed a bit. I was still doing my own thing, following my passions, dressing however I felt – paying no attentions to trends – and of course, most of all, always saying what is on my mind.

Someone pulled me aside later that night and said to me in confidence, “I am so jealous of your life! You can do whatever and go wherever you want at any time. I don’t have that luxury. I wish I could be you! Can I just live vicariously through you?” We had a good laugh and she walked away shortly after.

I was so shocked at what my friend said because this woman had a life that I envied; she had a handsome and wonderful husband, a beautiful child, a newer home in a great area, a job I once saw myself in years ago and the love and unconditional support of her family. That made me smile to think about her living vicariously through me.

So to all the people that have preached to me over the years saying that I need to be “normal”, sorry to disappoint you, but I wouldn’t trade one second of my life – past or present – for a so-called “normal” life.

My life has always been an adventure and it always will be; I love that fact and cannot wait to see what the next adventure is!